Day 1

Maybe we're immortal.

I looked up from my phone. Alex was staring at me, expectantly.

Huh?

Maybe we're immortal, you and me. 

Ok.

Seriously, what if -

-Alex, I don’t know what bit this is, but honestly, it's a bit insensitive given my aunt -

-Well, I don’t mean everyone, just us! Think about it, that time driving home from Norfolk, we only just avoided, that um, what was it?

It was a pheasant, stood by the side of the road.

Yes but, it could have jumped in front of us and then, we could have swerved, and if something were coming the other way!

I stood up, not sure why. Alex looked shocked at my sudden movement, he flinched!

I'm going to bed, I'm tired. Don't stay up too late.

Alex seemed crushed, then seemed to recover as he picked up the PlayStation controller.

I'm only half serious. The console beeped and his attention shifted to the tv screen.

I didn’t think anything of it. Why would I?

 

The next day we had breakfast, spoke about our plans for the weekend and I left for work. Alex said he was working from home, which wasn’t unusual, but he said it furtively. I had an important meeting for which I felt unprepared. As I closed the front door an ambulance sped down the road and the noise of the sirens briefly emptied my mind of all thoughts, except my own mortality. I suddenly felt as if Alex had infected me somehow, and it made me anxious. But as the ambulance rounded the corner and the siren blended with traffic and birdsong, my anxiety shifted focus, and I paced in time with the words I would say in the meeting.

 

As I approached the office, my mind played a familiar trick, I imagined walking past the front door and continuing on towards another place, nowhere specific, just elsewhere, the destination was shrouded in calming white fog. I would simply say I was ill and return after the weekend. Colleagues would feign concern and tell me not worry about the meeting, that Gemma had taken my place. Gemma would say it was fine, and we would all know we were lying. Even better, I wouldn’t return to work, I'd avoid calls, perhaps get a new number entirely, disconnect from social media, emigrate. Cathartic fantasies which served no purpose except to weaken my spirit, but enjoyable none the less.

 

And then I was dumping my bag on my desk, untangling my headphones, mouse, power cable, and attempting to avoid eye contact. I could sense Glen staring at me, wanting to engage, but I focused on the nest of wires, and hoped the intensity of my expression would discourage any attempt at human interaction.

Hi Nadine!

SHIT!

I jumped out of my skin. My headphones dropping into the wastebin.

Oh god, I'm sorry, didn’t mean to make you jump.

It was Gemma, a consultant of the same grade but 6 years younger and just way better.

Glen chuckled, I threw him a death-stare, and he wheeled off on his chair.

Someone's heads in the clouds! You sure you're alright for the BIG MEETING?

No, sorry Gemma. I was just untangling my er thoughts.

Just let me know if you need a hand - she leaned in conspiratorially - I hear the clients a real dinosaur, he'll probably be looking at your tits the whole time.

Great! Well, cheers Gemma.

I started unpacking my laptop, and basically waited for Gemma to leave. The morning was not going well.

I gripped the lid of the laptop, pausing as I inhaled the last, brief pre-screen moments of the day. Finally, I exhaled as I prised the machine open. Stuck to the screen was a post-it written in Alex's childish scrawl.

 

---turnon the news----