Day 7

I wake up at 5 and jerk off in the shower. This is the start of my routine. It should take no longer than 15 minutes. Jerking off is a great incentive to start early and means I don’t get horny and disappointed later in the day. Nadine and I don’t really have sex anymore, which clearly isn’t fair but I try not to blame her. She’s depressed and I can’t help her. It’s important that I do whatever I want at any moment, that way at least I’m happy, and hopefully, that rubs off onto her, but it doesn’t seem to be.

She doesn’t deserve you.

Nadine used to be fun, but I think she had unrealistic expectations about what living together would be like, and she’s too scared to break it off. I never said I was ambitious or even interesting! She didn’t mind at uni, but I guess it’s different now, to be fair. Anyway, I’ve been planning this thing for a while now, and if it doesn’t snap her out of it, at least I tried. I can’t let her get in the way of what’s happening, it’s unfair on the others.

She has no choice.

The problem most men have is that they care too much about what women think. It makes us weak. It’s not their fault, it’s ours, and we’re the ones that should do something about it. Sometimes women need to be shown the way. Nadine dismissed me last night when I spoke about the truth.

The Channel will guide you.

She is sleeping in the room next door. She thinks I get up early to play games, but I get up early to prepare, to construct my persona, she has to believe I’m a loser. There is a brief window after jerking off where your brain is at its most suggestible. This is the perfect time to absorb maximum meaning from the channel.

I glance at my watch; today’s content should be available. I move to the kitchen and prepare my supplements; I have calculated the perfect dose using the system. I simply don’t feel tired like I used to, and I can block out negative vibes, which is why I’m able to deal with Nadine. I measure the powders into a glass and add water. The liquid goes all frothy, I hold the glass up to the ceiling light, it exudes positive energy. I drink, wash up the glass, and move over to the sofa. Sitting down I pull out my phone, put in my headphones, and open YouTube.

Welcome. We’ve been waiting.

My front-page recommendations look interesting but The Channel is all I care about right now and the latest video is live. I don’t notice my finger tapping the screen, the video loads regardless. The familiar musical intro gives me goosebumps in anticipation. Smoke fills the screen, always it seems it won't clear, but slowly He steps forward and emerges from the fog. The glorious, glorious man. So perfect. He opens his mouth to speak and I forget everything, my mind hums, and white light radiates from the screen and fills the room, I feel the weight of my body as it lifts from the sofa.

You are immortal and infinite.